How to learn to communicate with people? We comprehend the art of effective communication

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There is an opinion that it is impossible to teach a person to communicate. Like, the ability to talk with people is some kind of genetically embedded ability: either given or not given. But in recent years, psychologists have been actively refuting this stereotype and boldly declare: communication is exactly the same skill as dancing, singing or cooking. And just like in the development of any skill, there are certain exercises for practicing.

We are in Bright Side today we have gathered for you 8 unusual exercises that can make talkative even of the most shy introvert. These are not just exercises for improving speech, but a whole range of activities that help you learn to think during a conversation and build a fascinating dialogue.

1. Retelling

For what: You learn to think and speak at the same time. The connection between thinking and speech is being strengthened.

How to perform: Open your favorite blog, find any article, choose 2-3 of it from any paragraph. Read them and retell yourself out loud. Next - the next few paragraphs, and so on until the end of the article.

Exercise Duration: Depends on the size of the article. You need to retell 1 article per day.

2. Continuation of someone else's thought

For what: You learn to look for non-standard solutions, develop flexibility of thinking.

How to perform: Turn on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and develop his thought within 30 seconds.

Exercise Duration: 5-10 minutes a day.

3. The mystery of Lewis Carroll

For what: Breaking your own stereotypes, habits of thinking in a certain way.

How to perform: The riddle Carroll came up with is: “How does a raven look like a table?” The exercise is based on it. It is advisable to carry it out together, so as not to juggle more “convenient” objects. One calls any word, the other calls any other word, insert the question between them: “What are they like?” It turns out something like “How does the cabinet look like a rabbit?” Sit and look for options.

Exercise Duration: It’s worth starting with 10 pairs.

4. Lecture to anyone about anything

For what: By fishing out inapplicable information from memory, you train your memory. Make the thinking process more flexible.

How to perform: The exercise is performed together. You choose any item from those that surround you, and tell your interlocutor about it. How did he appear? Why is it important on a human scale? What is it used for here in this room? With regular practice, you will soon be able to push the hour-long lecture on the eraser, chair or cabinet door.

Exercise Duration: Start with 5 minutes.

5. Dialog with a mirror

For what: You observe yourself from the side, learn to speak coherently about your thoughts, establish contact with yourself.

How to perform: The task is to look at yourself in the mirror to fetch out any thought from the mind and develop it out loud. That is, you come to the mirror, start to think and talk about what you think. Smoothly move from thought to thought, linking them together. After some time, you will begin to get a coherent and sincere story about what is spinning in your head.

Exercise Duration: For 10 minutes a couple of times a week.

6. Talking with stuffed mouth

For what: Simultaneous improvement of diction before the “match”.

How to perform: There are different options. You can put an ordinary spoon on the tongue or a handful of nuts on the cheeks and try to pronounce the words as clearly as possible.

Exercise Duration: 7-10 minutes are enough.

7. The development of someone else's thoughts

For what: The ability to communicate on any topic is developing.

How to perform: In a big company. It is advisable that there be a minimum of 5 people: 4 players and one host. The first player begins the story on an arbitrary topic, at the signal of the presenter, the next continues the story, so the story goes in a circle.

Exercise Duration: One game cycle is 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, a new leader is appointed.

8. Purchase and sale

For what: To develop persuasion skill.

How to perform: You will need a partner to complete this exercise. Choose any of the items around you and try to “sell” it to the person you are talking to. This is something like a classic “sell me a pen” puzzle at an interview. Describe the positive qualities of the subject, address its minuses in particular, prove how the partner needs it.

Exercise Duration: Try to “sell” for 3 minutes.

What gives communication with people?

Communication skills with people are required for us every day. Some believe that effective communication is something from the arsenal of business psychology, and people who don’t need to conduct business negotiations need to learn to communicate. And this is a big mistake that can be expensive.

Communication with people is an important part of our life. Thanks to the ability to clearly express our thoughts and listen, we can not only achieve career success, but also make friends, establish relationships with family and friends. Psychologists know that most conflicts in a couple and even divorces are caused not by insurmountable contradictions, but by a banal inability to negotiate. And how many people suffer from loneliness only because he is embarrassed to speak with a pretty stranger or a stranger! In a word, everyone needs the ability to communicate. This is the key to success in all areas of life. Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill and Jacques Chirac would hardly have reached the heights of political Olympus if they had not been so brilliant orators. Steve Jobs is known for his speeches no less than innovative computer developments. The legendary beauties of past centuries in ceremonial portraits are not at all striking with external data - however, contemporaries in their memoirs praise them not so much for beauty as for their ability to conduct a conversation.

It should be noted that “talking” and “talking” are not the same thing. Communication is a complex process that consists of both verbal communication (what we say) and non-verbal communication (the way we do it). And the second type of communication is much more important - the greatest influence on the interlocutor is not the meaning of our words, but the sound and timbre of the voice, posture and gestures. And, finally, the most important thing is our thoughts and feelings that are in our subconscious. This is a fear of rejection, rejection, anger at offenders, etc. They influence the reaction of our interlocutors and determine our level of ability to communicate.

Why are we afraid to be heard?

What is stopping us from talking? Shyness, fear of saying stupidity or being misunderstood, fear of expressing one’s opinion, low self-esteem and even problems with diction - all these problems are based on psychology. Often their roots go back to the distant past - to childhood or adolescence. As adults, we forget those unpleasant moments that have thrown a seed of uncertainty into us, but they continue to influence our behavior. The annoyed “Don't talk bullshit!” From parents, painful speeches at the blackboard in the classroom, ridicule of peers - all this in adult life turns into serious communication difficulties.

To identify and eliminate the cause of communication difficulties, it is necessary to work with a psychologist. But the first and most important step is the recognition that the problem exists, and the desire to solve it.

If you are afraid to talk to people, start by phone calls. For example, instead of going to the website of a beauty salon and finding out everything about prices or services, call there and find out everything by asking the administrator questions. Make a list of questions, do not hesitate to ask for details and clarify.

Psychology of communication with people

The psychology of communicating with people is based on several rules that are most clearly and clearly formed by the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He released his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.

Rule number 1. Sincerely interested in others.

We all consider ourselves unique and want to be interesting to others. Remember your experience in communication - we are always more willing to talk not with those who say smart things, but with those who let us know that we ourselves are interesting.

Rule number 2. Smile.

During psychological research, it was proved that smiling people seem generally more attractive to us. We tend to attribute to them the best human qualities. A smile shows the interlocutor that communicating with him is joy and pleasure.

Rule number 3. Remember that your own name is the most pleasant word for any person.

By naming a person by name, we give him the simplest and most natural compliment. The name for us expresses individuality. That is why many people are so annoyed when someone misinterprets their name or uses a form that they don’t like - for example, “Manya” instead of “Maria”. Using the name of a person in a conversation, you seem to say to him: "You are an amazing person and a bright personality."

Rule number 4. Learn to listen.

Sadly, few people can really listen to the interlocutor - most often, especially in the heat of a dispute, we just wait for our turn to speak, not delving into what they are trying to convey to us. But demonstration of attention is a powerful tool of influence. Listen to the person, ask him additional questions and do not hide your emotions if you hear something new or amazing. And if you remember the statements that the interlocutor himself seemed successful, and by chance screw them in the next conversation, he will simply be submissive.

Rule number 5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor.

Each has its own "horse". If you find the topic that excites your interlocutor, you will bring it to you. This applies to business communication, and ordinary friendly conversations. Even if the topic does not seem particularly important to you, do not close - try to listen carefully and find out something valuable for yourself. Not for nothing that the Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first comer.

Rule number 6. Sincerely demonstrate to the interlocutor its significance.

The key word here is "sincerely." Perhaps this is the most difficult part of the psychology of communication. People feel falsehood, and even those who love flattery in all forms will feel something was wrong if your enthusiasm is simulated. Look in everyone for something that really seems admirable to you, and honestly praise these character traits.

1. Get away from a hit

The principle of depreciation is a technique for avoiding conflicts, described in the book of Psychological Aikido by the Russian psychologist Mikhail Litvak. According to the principles of the book, the prevention and termination of the conflict occurs by redirecting the aggressor’s energy back to him. Simply put, after receiving a “psychological blow”, behave like a cat falling from a height: soften it. This algorithm can be successfully applied in the family, at work, in public life.

If the opponent accuses you, agree with his statement. A couple of evasions - and the enemy is disoriented, because from this conflict he did not receive the expected emotions.

2. Repeat the end of the phrase angry opponent

Mirroring is a well-known psychological method. But he is not a human invention, even chimpanzees resort to the tactics of mirroring their fellow tribesmen. Keep in mind that mirroring is a delicate process; your opponent should not think that you are laughing at him.

When you repeat the words of the interlocutor, filling them with your meaning, they are perceived as his own. An angry person is easier to listen to your arguments, if in part they belong to him.

3. Get an arbitrator

Calling someone for help does not mean hiding behind someone else's back. The participation of third parties allows us to take a fresh look at the conflict and find ways out of the impasse. From the point of view of neurobiology, the dispute is a threatening situation, and the receptors responsible for the excitability of the parasympathetic nervous system begin to sound the alarm. So the mediator in the conflict will assume the role of a lightning rod and judge you without unnecessary emotions.

Contacting someone for helpnot a sign of immaturity, but, on the contrary, evidence of your understanding of the laws of real life.

4. Treat with an imaginary cake

Cakes are very sweet, tasty, and they can also cause a smile on the sweet tooth. Angry people often need such an imaginary cake. Often their anger comes from self-doubt, fear of losing authority, resentment. Do not be greedy, share with them a couple of pieces of an imaginary cake. Indeed, losing in something small, you can get great benefits in the future.

In a conflict situation, go towards the interlocutor. It is only important to remember that the requirements should be reasonable and justified - do not step over yourself.

5. Imagine an unpleasant person in a ridiculous situation

Visualization is a powerful tool of psychology. It helps to achieve your goals, outline prospects and present the results of your work. Psychologists from various schools use positive visualization to treat depression, panic disorders and other ailments. But even the most ordinary people can use visualization techniques in practice to relieve stress and calm down.

It happens that there is no way to answer the offender, he does not even open his mouth. Visualize. If you imagine that the boss screaming at you is dressed in a pink tutu, it will be much easier to survive the stream of moralizing.

6. Feed the aggressor

Another way to resolve the conflict is to offer the evil person something edible (candy, cookies) or to hold out a bottle of water. The whole secret is that when you give something to your opponent, he has an unconscious desire to reciprocate, to meet one another.

In addition, since ancient times, eating has a sacred meaning. People who share the meal become, in some way, allies. It is easier for them to find a path to reconciliation. And shouting with a mouth full is very problematic.

7. Build a wall

If no admonitions affect the offender, and your emotional state has already been shaken, go to a dead defense. It so happens that there is simply no power to laugh it off, explain and try to understand the opponent. Perhaps today is just not your day or in communication you have come across a real energy vampire.

Build a high wall (imagination only) and be sure that no insults and sharp attacks will reach you.

8. joke

Humor is unique in that it helps to find a way out of the most difficult life situations. An appropriate joke, a phrase that, at first glance, has nothing to do with the situation and seems a little absurd. All this can interrupt the chain of unpleasant questions and destroy the armor that your unpleasant interlocutor surrounded himself with. Now it will be much easier to talk with him.

Of course, art can be witty in answering questions for years. For most of us, the most brilliant answers come in a day or two. Relax, be confident in yourself - and everything will work out.

What techniques do you use in dialogue with unpleasant interlocutors? Share in the comments.

Now there are a lot of worthy books about the psychology of communication, which are worth reading:

  1. “The power of charm. How to win hearts and succeed ”(Brian Tracy, Ron Arden)
  2. The Psychology of Influence (Robert Cialdini)
  3. “Hidden human management” (Victor Sheinov)
  4. The Mentalist (Frederick Rapili)
  5. “Grandmaster of communication” (Sergey Deryabo)
  6. “Don't growl at the dog” (Karen Prior)
  7. “Psychology of the masses and analysis of the human self” (Sigmund Freud)
  8. “How to Talk with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere” (Larry King)
  9. “How to Make Friends and Influence People” (Dale Carnegie)
  10. “Games People Play” (Eric Byrne)

How to learn to communicate with people: rules of communication

Best formulated the rules of communication Dale Carnegie in his books. Here is some of them:

  1. Each person considers himself unique and the way it is. Be sincerely interested in other people. Everyone is more willing to talk with those to whom he is interested.
  2. Smile while chatting. Psychologists have proven that people who smile seem more attractive. A smile shows the interlocutor that he is pleasant to you and happy to communicate with him.
  3. Say the person’s name as often as possible. It is proved that he is the most pleasant word that expresses individuality.
  4. Learn to listen to the interlocutor, ask him questions, show that you are interested in what he says. Do not hide your emotions or surprise from what you hear. If you remember a phrase that you liked and repeat it, your interlocutor will be submissive.
  5. Try to catch a topic that is really interesting to your interlocutor and support it. Even if you don’t know anything about it, you can ask him questions and learn a lot from yourself. And the interlocutor will be pleased to share what is really valuable to him.
  6. Sincerely show your interlocutor that he is significant and interesting to you. People feel fake. Penetrate his speech and say that you admire him in certain matters.
  7. Watch the facial expressions, gestures of the interlocutor. So you can quickly begin to understand people.
  8. Try to remember as many facts as possible about the person you are talking to. Then at the next meeting it will be much easier for you to start a conversation. For example, you may ask, how was your football game? How was your vacation?
  9. Be sensitive. Indeed, a person’s facial expressions can understand a lot about his true feelings and feelings.
  10. Constantly train your communication skills. The more people you talk to during the day, the faster you will cope with the fear of communicating with people. Communication with strangers will make you more flexible in communication.

Communication secrets include non-verbal communication techniques. In order to fully learn how to communicate, you need to learn the body language. It is unlikely that someone will carefully listen to the speaker who will stand in front of the audience hunched over and a tambourine something under his breath. People always pay attention to the pose of the timbre of the voice and the speed of speech. Also, special attention is drawn to the eyes of a person. We often notice, he looks confidently, bevelled, crafty or "eyes are burning." There are psychological trainings that teach you to look at your interlocutor correctly - directly, openly, with interest, without oppressing or belittling him.

As for facial expressions, then it can be used to find out a person’s mood or send certain signals to oneself.

By gestures and posture of a person, you can easily determine whether it is closed or open during communication. If arms crossed are hidden in pockets or clenched into fists, then this indicates that the person wants to fence off you, stop communication. Open poses, extended palms indicate that a person wants to communicate. Openness techniques can also be learned in psychological training.

Unusual, but effective communication techniques

To overcome the fear of communication, you can first try to communicate by phone. Write out on a piece of paper all the questions that you want to know and call, for example, a beauty salon. Find out what procedures are, their cost, recommendations. This will be a great first step towards overcoming fear.

You can try at least 10 minutes a day to talk with a chair or flowerpot. It is very difficult, actually. First tell us how you are doing, then make a conversation plan and stick to it. This is a very effective technique to overcome fear in communicating with people.

Try to start a casual conversation with 10 strangers every day. For example, with a seller, a pharmacist, a neighbor, etc. Try to give each of them a compliment. It will liberate you very much.

The psychology of communication helps a person to get rid of the fear of communication with people. First of all, the psychologist helps to realize that there really is a problem, helps to identify the cause of the problem and work on these problems.

A person who is aware of his fear of communicating with people should work hard to overcome these problems. In addition to psychological training, it is important to read a lot, learn more new information. The goal is not so much to become an interesting conversationalist as to become an interesting person.

If a person notices that they do not want to communicate with him, then he is not interested. Not enough energy, drive, hobbies and hobbies. But all this is fixable.

Separately, there is the problem of communicating with the opposite sex. How many single women and men who dream to meet their soul mate. Again, fear prevents talking to a pretty girl or boyfriend.

You should know that when communicating with the opposite sex, as soon as the moment appears when you have nothing to talk about anymore, a person loses interest in you. Therefore, you need to learn about the hobbies and hobbies of a guy or girl, try to figure it out so that you can easily maintain a conversation.

Often boys and girls perceive the opposite sex as an alien creature, so in order to make contact, the girl will have to learn something about football and beer, and the guy about cosmetics and fashion.

With the opposite sex, try to behave naturally and positively, do not forget to smile, say compliments, and show sincere interest.

Do not be afraid to admit if you are incompetent in any matter. Ask your partner a question, he will be pleased that you are interested in learning more about his hobbies. In general, when dealing with guys it is important to focus on them, not yourself. And do not tell too much about yourself, a couple of facts from life and nothing more. Do not allow vulgarity and intimate details in the conversation at the first meetings. Avoid female gossip and discussion behind your back.

When communicating with a girl, sincerely smile, say unobtrusive compliments and ask questions so that she can answer them in a detailed form.

In general, in order not to feel fear in communication, and in principle not to have any problems with this, you must first of all become interesting to yourself and make your life bright and exciting. All that you do - do it for yourself. You are responsible only for your life, your happiness. As soon as your life is full of colors, people themselves will seek to meet with you and have a desire to talk with you.

Why can not communicate

Most often, the inability to communicate successfully with other people is based on problems from the field of psychology. It can be:

  • shyness,
  • low self-esteem,
  • fear of “blotting out" some stupidity,
  • fear of expressing an opinion
  • problems with diction (lisping, stuttering, burr, etc.).

The causes of these problems are often from childhood, when communication skills are only being formed. Here are some of the factors that can lead to communication problems:

  1. Rooted complexes.
  2. Serious emotional shock.
  3. A long period of loneliness due to various circumstances, and as a result - social degradation.
  4. A severe restriction in communication with peers (parents did not let the child out of the house, did not allow him to communicate with other children).

These are all quite serious reasons that require careful and long work with a psychologist. They manifest themselves in the fact that a person cannot even adequately respond to appeal to him. He closes, hides, can escape.

If a person can maintain a conversation, but does not consider himself a good conversationalist, then this skill can be worked out. There are many different trainings on personal development. Of course, they are able to inspire, but without regular practice, the theory does not make sense. That is why I have selected the most interesting and effective exercises for you. But before embarking on them, let's learn the basic rules for successful communication with people.

Rules for successful communication

The famous speaker Dale Carnegie published the book “How to Make Friends and Influence People” more than 80 years ago. In it, he described the main most effective methods and rules of communication that will help closed and shy people to become excellent interlocutors. These rules to this day do not lose their relevance.

  1. Sincere interest in other people. Often it is more pleasant for us to talk with those who are interested in our personality and ask various questions regarding our opinion and experience. Therefore, be sure to ask questions to the interlocutor. But do not turn conversation into interrogation with addiction. Everything should be natural and sincere, and for this you should have a genuine interest in your interlocutor.
  2. Smile. The person who smiles gives us positive feelings. Even if we are not personally acquainted with him. During the conversation, your smile is proof that the person you are talking to is pleasant and that you enjoy talking to him. Just try to avoid a fake smile. Smile not only with your mouth, but with your eyes and soul and heart.
  3. Proper name. From birth, the sound of our name is the most pleasant sound. Therefore, always refer to others by name and patronymic, if necessary. The name indicates the individuality of a person, his uniqueness and uniqueness. This is the easiest compliment you can give to a person. Just name him by name.
  4. Listening skills. In conversation, people usually prefer to talk more than listen. Often, they simply wait their turn to speak out, and do not try to listen and delve into what they are told. Especially during a dispute. If you carefully listen to the interlocutor, ask him clarifying questions and successfully use the phrases that he said earlier when talking, you will pleasantly surprise him. Listening and hearing is more important than talking.
  5. Interesting topics for conversation. Talk on topics that are interesting to your interlocutor, and figuring them out quite easily and simply using rule number 1 is a manifestation of genuine interest. When a person talks about something fascinating, his eyes burn. Even if this topic doesn’t seem particularly entertaining to you, try to listen carefully. Surely you can find out for yourself something valuable and interesting.
  6. Compliments. Each of us has unique features worthy of admiration. Try to notice them in the interlocutor and sincerely express your admiration, approval, praise. Your compliments should not be exaggerated and resemble undisguised flattery. Falsehood is always felt good. A timely, sincere compliment will be very pleasant to your interlocutor and will make the conversation even easier and more relaxed.

Useful tips for those who want to communicate well.

The 6 rules of successful communication discussed above are the basis without which it is quite difficult to find an interlocutor. In addition to these rules, I want to give you some more tips that will help in communicating with people.

  1. Keep eye contact with the person you are talking to. Your view should be open and friendly, not oppress and not press on the interlocutor. Practice in front of the mirror if you are not sure that you can look into the eyes of another person correctly.
  2. Always try to keep your back straight and your shoulders straight. This is a powerful signal that you are open to communication and not afraid to engage in dialogue. Confident gait and gestures will complement your image of a successful person.
  3. If you can’t get rid of shyness and excessive restraint when dealing with unfamiliar people, try to imagine that this is your old acquaintance whom you just have not seen for a long time. As a result of such a pleasant experience, your eyes will become softer, gestures and posture more open and friendly. Together, this will help to locate the interlocutor and erase unnecessary psychological barriers that impede communication.
  4. Develop a mindfulness and sensitivity in relation to the interlocutor. Learn to read the emotions and reactions of your dialogue partner. This will help guide the conversation in the right direction. And also remember as much as possible information about the interlocutor. Subsequently, you will be able to show your interest in it. It will flatter any person.
  5. Broaden your horizons. Read various books to talk about and talk about. Take an interest in what is happening around. Then you will become an interesting conversationalist, able to maintain a conversation on any topic. A broad outlook is an essential attribute of personality.

To remain a pleasant conversationalist with whom people like to chat, you should never:

  • complain about fate and discuss their problems,
  • use obscene language, speak badly about common acquaintances and dissolve gossip,
  • harshly criticize the interlocutor, say that he is wrong and stupid, if he thinks so,
  • Choose topics that are of interest only to you.

So, we met with the basic rules and tips. Now it's time to move on to practice. After all, a theory without practice will not bring any benefits.

Communication skills exercises

Communication skills need to be constantly trained. Only in this way will you learn to communicate easily and freely even with strangers.

If your shyness and timidity do not even allow you to approach a stranger, then you should seek the advice of a psychologist. And to develop communication skills the following exercises will help:

Conversation with furniture

Daily tell your table, chair or room flower about how your day went, what interesting happened. Try to hold back a fit of laughter and take this practice seriously.

Such an exercise will help you to express your thoughts in a connected, logical and competent way, not to get confused in them, and also to adjust facial expressions and gestures. If you cannot build a conversation with furniture, then your pet will become an even more successful listener for this exercise. A dog or cat will always be willing to listen to the stories of its owner.

Monologue in front of the mirror

Go to the mirror and begin to speak out loud the thoughts that come to your mind. Gradually try to connect them logically, sequentially developing to get an interesting story.

This exercise will help you understand how you look from the side during the conversation, learn how to make coherent sentences and establish contact with yourself. It is enough to exercise for 10 minutes 2 to 3 times a week.


Surely you have a favorite blog or website that you read daily - for example, the blog “In your house”. This is very useful when performing this exercise. After reading another article, try to retell it as closely as possible in terms of meaning and logic of construction. If the article is very large, then retell gradually, in 3-4 paragraphs.

Such an exercise develops the ability to think and speak at the same time. Thanks to him, your speech will become more coherent and meaningful. To achieve a good result, you need to exercise daily.

The development of someone else's thoughts

The exercise begins with the fact that you turn on the TV or any video on the network. For 30 seconds, listen to the speaker, then turn off the sound and continue his thought for the next 30 seconds.

Such training develops the flexibility of the mind, teaches you to find innovative solutions. Practice 10 minutes a day and you will be pleasantly surprised by the result.

5 strangers

The best training for developing communication skills is communication itself. Accustom yourself every day to have a casual conversation with five strangers.Not less! It may be random passers-by, from whom you can ask for time or specify the route, a consultant in the store, to whom you will turn for advice on choosing goods ... In general, there should be no problems finding strangers. After all, they surround us literally everywhere. It is only necessary to leave the house.

To practice the speech technique, I recommend that you watch an interesting video:


We have to communicate with people quite often, wherever we are: at school, at the institute, at work, on the street, in a store, etc. Our future depends on how well and beautifully we can talk with people. After all, for example, finding your soulmate without knowing how to communicate is very, very difficult.

I want you to learn how to communicate with people freely, easily and naturally. Learn the rules of effective communication and put them into practice, remembering to practice your skills through exercises such as retelling, a monologue with a mirror, or 5 strangers. Soon you will feel that communicating with people is much better than before.

Share this article with your friends on social networks. Perhaps someone very shy on the other side of the screen really needs this information!

How to learn to be an interesting conversationalist? 111 Chat Book Tips

1. When talking, think about whether the topic is interesting to the interlocutor. Talk only about what interests or excites the interlocutor.

2. Smile. Look friendly, positive, and open-minded to make contact faster.

3. The golden rule of morality says: "Treat other people the way you want to be treated." But it is better to do according to the platinum rule: "Treat other people the way they want to be treated."

4. Use the method of active listening: listen carefully, nod, assent, agree, help with the necessary phrases and thoughts.

5. More often call the interlocutor by name, because the sound of the name is very pleasant for any person. Therefore, always remember or write down the names of new acquaintances.

6. Take care of your appearance, image and image. Everyone is pleased to talk with a neat and stylish person smelling delicious perfume.

7. Do not be a bore, a whiner, a complainer or a boring person. Everyone runs from such as from fire.

8. Give compliments, notice the positive features and strengths of the interlocutor. This will cause a sympathetic response.

9. In a conversation, try to understand the nature and mood of the interlocutor at the current moment.

10. Try to show yourself from the best and presentable side, so you like it faster.

11. Find common interests with the interlocutor to find common ground: hobbies, hobbies or dreams.

12. Work on diction, clarity and beauty of speech.

13. Treat all people with respect. This makes a great impression.

14. Do not have a formal conversation about the weather or anything empty. The interlocutor immediately stops listening and is removed. He gets bored.

15. Try not to be annoying when talking and do not hang excess noodles on the ears of the other person.

16. State the essence in a simple and accessible language, so that others do not have the thought that you are smart.

17. Let your interlocutor speak more than you.

18. Be an optimist, not a pessimist in conversation. It causes positive emotions.

19. Communication should not be a monologue. Limit your story and suggestions so that the other person can speak out too.

20. Do not be shy to ask questions to the interlocutor to start a conversation and make contact.

21. Be prepared for a question at any level and try to answer them, despite the difficulties.

22. Do not argue aggressively and categorically. Even disagreements can be resolved peacefully and calmly. An argument is a cautious search for compromise.

23. Use the answers of the interlocutor in order to continue the conversation on a topic of interest to him.

24. Avoid gossiping and talking about other people badly. Otherwise, they will assume that you dissolve gossip behind your backs.

25. Never interrupt the interlocutor and do not insert your "5 cents" to tell your case or story.

26. Focus on the interlocutor when you are talking with him, and not be distracted by other things.

27. Make the interlocutor understandable by using familiar objects, phenomena, and comparisons.

28. Do not make fun of people, their thoughts and desires. This is very disrespectful. Laugh with them when they have fun.

29. Work on your voice. A low, velvety and chesty voice is more pleasant to hear than a shrill or uneven one.

30. An important ability of the interlocutor is not only to say what is needed, but also to keep silent about what is not needed.

31. Be considerate of the interlocutor and respect his feelings.

32. Observe the non-verbal signals of the interlocutor. Does a person look at his watch, get a phone, or try to sneak out? Time to stop talking.

33. Avoid special terms when talking to people outside your profession.

34. Lead an active life to be an interesting conversationalist who has something to tell. Try to be a man of the world, global and large-scale, with cosmopolitan views. Such people are attracted.

35. Do not open too much, especially in front of a stranger.

36. Try to keep abreast of the latest developments in the world to keep up the conversation.

37. It is not necessary, in a dispute or confrontation, to be right.

38. Shyness, uncertainty, and an inferiority complex interfere with the conversation.

39. Be attentive to what the interlocutor says and remember. It’s silly to ask again.

40. Broaden your horizons to be savvy for conversations on any topic.

41. Do not ask too many questions, as if it were an interrogation or an interview.

42. Do not try to touch on too many topics for conversation by jumping from one to another.

43. Repeat the body language of the interlocutor to demonstrate your similarity.

44. Keep in stock dozens of interesting stories that are suitable for a particular situation.

45. The best way to win a dispute is to avoid it.

46. ​​Do not try to remake people and accept them for who they are.

47. Read a couple of books on oratory and communication with people. Be sure to read Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Make Friends and Influence People.

48. Start a conversation about the latest in the world, achievements and interesting events, but do not get into the retelling of overt gossip.

49. Try to look at things from the point of view of the interlocutor.

50. Answer the questions is not monosyllabic. Otherwise, you will get the impression that you are not interested in the conversation, and you want to finish it faster.

51. Do not tell anything “in secret” about other people. Such people do not cause trust and respect.

52. Allow the interlocutor to maintain his reputation and face if he finds himself in a difficult situation.

53. Willingly and resolutely admit that you are wrong, if it happened.

54. Watch your manners to make a good impression.

55. Create the impression that a person’s mistake is easy to correct and everything will work out.

56. Do not use pinched postures that indicate stiffness and lack of comfortable conversation.

57. Sometimes you can be silent together. Do not try to fill in any pause with words.

58. Sincerely convince the interlocutor of his own significance.

59. Present your ideas and thoughts brightly, and not boring and dejected.

60. Do not compare the interlocutor with anyone. Each person considers himself unique and inimitable.

61. Try not to touch on the topic of politics, religion, health and personal life.

62. A sense of humor is the key to the success of a good conversation.

63. Recognize the pauses in the conversation when the interlocutor is waiting for your comment and opinion.

64. In a conversation, try not to brag, it looks ridiculous.

65. Spare your speech from the words of parasites. How to recognize them? Tell some story and record it on the recorder.

66. Suddenly do not step back from the topic of conversation, showing disrespect to the interlocutor.

67. Help a person speak out, being interested in his opinion and desires.

68. Improve the self-esteem of the interlocutor during the conversation.

69. Expand your vocabulary and memorize great quotes.

70. Do not avoid communicating with people and keep up the conversation. This will allow you to be more sociable and sociable.

71. Control your emotions and facial expressions during a conversation.

72. Tell about yourself and about the events in which you took part. This is usually interesting.

73. Do not answer a question with a question. It annoys people.

74. Try to avoid gross flattery. Focus more on the real merits and strengths of the interlocutor.

75. Do not go out of your way to please the person you are talking to. It is repulsive.

76. Respond well to other people. The interlocutor will try to match your best view and opinion.

77. Try to express your opinion only on those topics in which you understand something.

78. Use the word “I” less in conversation, which demonstrates undisguised selfishness.

79. Each person has a unique experience. Let the person teach you something. He will like it.

80. Practice more in conversations with people. Visit new places, start conversations with strangers.

81. Sometimes touch people. This allows you to quickly establish friendly and warm relations. But this should be relevant.

82. Do not demonstrate that you are in a hurry somewhere or want to quickly end the conversation. This will create the impression of a bad interlocutor and an unpleasant person.

83. First speak of your mistakes, and then carefully criticize.

84. Do not draw conclusions for the interlocutor, do not end his joke and do not guess the continuation of the story.

85. Do not repeat the same phrases - this is disrespect for the interlocutor. But vary the sentences, repeating and reinforcing the idea.

86. Eat to establish emotional and spiritual reciprocity in the conversation.

87. Do not be afraid to take the initiative in a conversation to help a shy person open up.

88. Show respect for someone else's point of view, and do not try to break it to the smithereens.

89. Use self-irony in the conversation, but do not overdo it.

90. Share your thoughts, ideas and interesting notes with people around you.

91. Do not try to fish out personal information and what a person does not want to talk about.

92. If a person criticizes himself and scolds, then come to his aid. Refute his statements and support.

93. Excessive manifestation of emotions can put the interlocutor in an awkward position. In a conversation, restrain yourself and your emotions.

94. Have your own hobbies and hobbies that you can share with others.

95. Learn to enjoy communication. This positive mood will create the image of a good interlocutor and a pleasant person.

96. Express yourself more clearly and clearly so that it is clear what you are talking about.

97. Do not use hiccups in the interlocutor’s speech, this may confuse him.

98. Ask for advice from a person in the field in which he understands. It may flatter him.

99. Tell your interlocutor about yourself to show your openness.

100. Do not dominate during the conversation, but let the person you are talking lead the line of conversation.

101. Hide your weaknesses and negative sides. There are no perfect people. Show yourself in a profitable way.

102. Do not teach others and do not criticize openly.

103. Avoid familiarity, familiarity and vulgarity in conversation.

104. Take an example from talented speakers, speakers of lectures and leading television shows.

105. Show sincere empathy for the interlocutor, empathizing with his mood and emotions.

106. Praise people for the smallest achievements and approve of successful steps.

107. Keep eye contact with the interlocutor, and not with your eyes around.

108. Try to be a true individual, and not fake and fake, of which there are so many.

109. Show charisma, smile, laugh, demonstrate gestures and emotions.

110. People feel how we feel about them and what we feel. Treat your interlocutor warmly and friendly. Try to show frank sympathy.

111. End the conversation on a positive note, which will leave a favorable impression.

How to learn to be an interesting conversationalist? Save all 111 communication tips and be sure to use. Be the person whose conversation is similar to fascinating reading a good book. Then everyone will love you. Do you know how to conduct entertaining and interesting conversations?

Why are there difficulties in communication?

The reason a person cannot start a conversation is called a barrier. Why does it arise?

  • Firstly, a person’s inability and lack of desire to listen to his interlocutor can act as a barrier. He tries to start his speech when the opponent is still talking. Without the ability to listen, a person cannot succeed in those areas of life where the main link for achieving a positive result is communication with people. After all, when the interlocutor is constantly trying to interrupt by inserting some kind of thought, it is very confusing and annoying.

Lack of desire to listen is a slightly different problem. In this case, the opponent does not interrupt, but simply shows his complete indifference to the conversation. The reason for this may be that the person is not interested in the topic of the conversation or he already has an opinion on the issue being discussed, and he is not going to change it.

In this case, it is necessary to remember that the interlocutor can pretend that he is interested. As a result, it turns out that a person is wasting time on this conversation. You can check if the opponent is listening to the speech. To do this, just ask the question: "What do you think about this?" If a person has not heard the last of the above, then he will not be able to express his opinion.

  • Secondly, a barrier can act as an inability to demonstrate that a person is really interested in the problem being discussed. The conversation is much easier when all its participants like the topic of conversation. However, if the interlocutor simply shows interest, without actually having it, then communication will not make sense. But often the fear of offending a person makes him silent about his indifference to this topic of conversation.
  • Thirdly, a barrier may be a lack of desire to understand the feelings of your interlocutor. It often happens that a person starts communication without paying attention to the opponent’s mood or what feelings this topic evokes in him. And this is a very important point in communication.
  • Fourth, the fear of opening up before them prevents talking to people. Usually this is fully manifested when people just met. Not every person is ready to open his soul to another, because for this it is necessary to be confident in him and fully trust him. Although some people may at the first meeting tell about themselves everything that is also not desirable. You must carefully talk about yourself, choosing what to tell, and what is better to keep silent.
  • Fifthly, the fact that people often have too different levels of development and education can interfere with the start of a conversation. The easiest way to interact among themselves is people who have almost the same intellectual level. If the interlocutor is tall, then the opponent tries to please him somehow, to take an example from him, to acquire some skill.

Worst of all, when one person has a lower intelligence level than another. Then interest in the conversation will be minimal, there will be no desire to support it. But even from such a pattern there are exceptions.
For example, if the interlocutor was engaged in mental activity all day, then he is unlikely to want to talk on serious topics. Then he can easily support any informal conversation, even if the most trifling. Therefore, in this case, the intellectual level of the opponent will not play any role.

How to learn to communicate with people?

People who are isolated are faced with the inability to step over themselves to pronounce a phrase in order to maintain a conversation. But this skill is necessary for every person as much as the ability to write and read. Psychologists have created some recommendations on how to learn to communicate with people.

You can practice well on inanimate objects. You can just talk with your furniture, for example, tell your desk how great today's day was and what interesting events were happening.

Experts say that such an exercise actually allows you to learn how to communicate with people correctly, express your thoughts, logically build sentences, train your facial expressions and gestures. However, for many people, such an undertaking seems delusional. In any case, you can change the furniture to a pet. For example, a dog will always faithfully listen to all the stories of his master.

Another exercise is praise. When a person enters into a conversation, he should always try to compliment his interlocutors, to highlight their special qualities and skills. Many are embarrassed to express their feelings, but everyone knows that people love to be praised.

In this case, it is important to consider that kind words should be sincere, come from the heart. Do not specifically flatter, it can be noticeable.

The best type of exercise, how to communicate with people around you, is direct communication with random opponents. You need to set a goal every day to enter into a conversation with a stranger. For example, having come to the store for groceries, you can talk with the seller about the quality of a particular product.

Or when you need to find a specific address, you can ask random passers-by how to get to it. Also, entering the room, you can greet the concierge affably, ask about her mood, talk about the weather, and so on. When talking with strangers, it is important to always smile. It puts people to each other.

Facial expressions and gestures in communication

Learning to speak with people correctly is not everything. It is necessary to acquire the skill of correct gestures and facial expressions. Sometimes body language speaks more than the words themselves. When the interlocutor speaks, the people around him evaluate not only speech, but also the location, movement of the arms, legs, head, eyes.

In order for people to listen to speech, it is necessary to adhere to the following rules:

  • It is important to learn how to look at the person you are talking to. Sometimes a person has such a view that another gets a lump in his throat and is afraid to say anything. Therefore, you need to look at your opponent openly, look away, constantly show your interest in him. Depending on what topic is being discussed, the view may be different. Do not look “face to face”, this creates additional stress during communication. If your interlocutor is trying to look you directly in the eye, you can look in their direction, but without focusing your eyes on them. Look through the face of a person.
  • It is necessary to monitor your facial expressions and facial expressions of your interlocutor. A person always expresses any emotions on his face. You can learn to recognize the mood of a partner by facial expressions, as well as express feelings using it.
  • It is necessary to be able to determine a person’s mood by gestures. If a person crosses his legs, presses a folder to himself, hides his hands in his pockets, then we can say with confidence that he is trying to fence himself off. Then the conversation is unlikely to be open and interesting from the first minutes.

The pose should be open, gestures smooth and slow, palms open. This will indicate that the person is calm and ready to talk. Some people who skillfully use psychological techniques often use the "mirroring" method. It consists in repeating the gestures or posture of the partner after a short period of time. This technique allows people to open up better.

Communication with others is an integral part of human life. Without this, personality development is impossible. To acquire a communication skill, you should constantly practice it. The more people talk to people, the faster they will lose all the constraining barriers that were in their way.

Watch the video: The Power of Effective Communication (February 2020).